Relationship Rescue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Handy Hints for

Resolving Relationship Crises

1Y

1: Change your usual conflict patterns or style

2: Do a 180: Change your usual pursuer-distancer pattern

3: Change vague, blaming, and loaded words into descriptions of behavior

4: Change your complaints into "action requests"

rdsqr.gif (812 bytes) Get descriptive and specific about what you would like the other person to do in the future.

rdsqr.gif (812 bytes) This focuses on something the person can change rather than the unchangeable past.

5: Catch your partner doing something right

rdsqr.gif (812 bytes) Notice when they do something during an argument that seems more fair, more compassionate or more friendly or that helps you to resolve things.

6: Focus on how you (not your partner) can change and take responsibility for making that change

7: Make a specific plan for change

8: Blow your partner’s stereotype of you

9: Compassionate listening

 

cover2.gif (3694 bytes) Adapted from Do One Thing Different and Other Uncommonly Sensible Solutions to Life's Persistent Problems (William Morrow, October 1999) by Bill O'Hanlon, M.S. 1999.

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1999 Possibility Center  
Last Updated: 05/30/00